10 Musts for Mom Self-Care when Parenting a Special Needs Child
Mom must be a priority too
One of the most important things we can do to be successful and effective parents, is to selfishly take time for ourselves. Parents (especially moms, {wink, wink}) make kids and spouses top priority and only then then consider something for ourselves, if there’s time (there’s never time when you have kids. never. ever.). The oxygen mask theory applies to life though, you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first to be able to do your best for others. That’s a fact! It takes determination and learning to say “no,” but you can take time for yourself. Permission granted.
10 Musts for Mom Self-Care
- Make time for a hobby or another activity you enjoy at least once weekly. Creative ventures will nurture your soul.
- Do something relaxing that is purely for yourself. Go for a walk alone or spend time reading a book (NOT about parenting) each day. Make a bubble bath part of your nightly routine.
- Focus inward. Practice mindfulness for 10+ minutes each day. This can be done any time, any where.
- Give yourself a break. Hire a cleaning person to clean your house regularly, or a landscaper to keep your gardens weed-free. You can even hire out laundry! You do not have to do it all!
- Pamper yourself. There are dozens of spa treatments you can do yourself, at home (I have a Pinterest board full of them). Or, go to a spa if you have the time and funds. You are worth pampering!
- Set boundaries and learn to say “no.” You are not superwoman — you can’t do it all. Taking time for yourself will actually afford you the energy to do well for others.
- Connect to others. Support is so important when parenting a special needs child. Reach out to ask for a break. Connect with others walking a similar parenting journey. Go to a support group. Have a monthly girls night out. Make time for connecting consistently and frequently.
- Take care of your body. Feeling great about yourself will model healthy self-esteem for your children and positively affect your mental health. Schedule time for exercise and make healthy (and mindful) food choices. You are worth premium fuel, don’t you think?
- Pay it forward. Helping others is good for our own mental health and well-being. It is also a great example for our children.
- Visit your happy place. This can be in your mind or for real. Turn on music that transports you or makes you feel vibrant and alive. Burn a scented candle that reminds you of the beach. Draw a bubble bath and lock the bathroom door. Tour your favorite gardens. Read a good book. Indulge in some retail therapy. Eat chocolate. Drink a glass of wine.
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What else can you do for your own self-care?
I love this! I found out the hard way the consequences of not taking care of yourself while caring for everyone else! Being the mom of 5 (three with special needs), I realized (almost too late) that if you don’t fit in some time for your own daily renewal, you can’t do your best and continue to provide what you and your family need. Even if it just something small (like making sure you put on face cream every night), and then build on that. You have to try to do SOMETHING to take care of you at least a fraction as much as you take care of others.
I remember packing wholesome, healthy, gluten free/casein free lunches for my son every day, and then eating some microwaved warmed over crap for myself. Someone told me, why are you not caring about your own body like you do your son’s? It didn’t all hit me until I got so sick that I could barely take care of my children, that I needed to make some changes and take care of me!
I really did have to set boundaries, like you talk about in #6. I had to stop volunteering, stop offering to do things the school should have been doing for them, and say no to people. I had to stop worrying about cleaning. I had to stop worrying about what other people thought. Most importantly, I had to give myself permission to take care of my body, because the only way I had the energy to take care of me….was to take care of ME. Vicious cycle, no? 😉
Yes! It is definitely a vicious cycle. Giving up a super-tidy, magazine-worthy house was one of the super hard tasks for me. I am uber organized but everyone else in the house is not. Just last week, after my haircut, I gave myself permission to take a short drive through the scenic countryside before heading home to work. I knew the extra 15 minutes wasn’t going to be detrimental to anything on my plate that day. It was quite re-energizing.
This is such a helpful post! Definitely one to share. It’s so easy for me to get overwhelmed and forget about self-care. The one thing I’m not sure I could do without is having friends who know what it’s like – families to have fun with. Not worrying that our kids are quirky and bordering on out of control at times. It’s such a relief to be able to let go of various fears…like being judged as a bad parent. I’ve read both of your books and I’m glad that this morning I decided to visit your blog – it’s a goldmine! Sometimes I get so bogged down in work that I forget I’m allowed to come up for air and connect this way too.
I think communicating with parents who understand the special circumstances of your parenthood is one of the best ways to take care of yourself. We all have a need to not feel alone and isolated. It doesn’t have to be in person either — I always say that Facebook saved my life, because it allowed me to connect with other moms of kids with ADHD and realize that it’s not my fault, and I’m not the only one struggling this way.
Great list! I have had to drag myself out of the house for short walks in nature to keep from completely falling apart! This year all 3 of my kids are in school for the first time and I realize that having some time to myself 3 mornings a week (I work 2 days a week) is gold. I feel like I have had a break which recharged my mental capacity and allows me to be a more structured and organized parent and happy for the first time in a long time! I even started a new hobby blogging where I started sharing tips I learned from my crazy family! TheADHDMinimalist.com Thanks for your books and blog!